Тhe topic of the essay was chosen from Good Research Paper Topic
Which methods are most effective at reducing bullying in schools?
Bullying is a slow and painful action when a person, who has more strong character, offend weaker person. As we know from TV series or from real life, practically every fifth suffer from bullying in silence. There are two types of people:bullies and leaders. Almost every person has to choose who he or she wants to be.
First of all I think a victim of harassment should tell to her close people. The parents always say to those children, that kids should just ignore it. Parents believe “leaders” stop to bully but it doesn’t just go away. These awful people keep doing such things as painting the locker, putting the footboard etc.
So the first measure to take is writing each situation of bullying and applying a statement to police. I suppose after the whole list of situations the police will help to solve the problem. Moreover, “leaders” will be afraid of them. Probably teachers should explain students that everybody has their own personal background and they have no idea what’s going on with someone’s life.
The second point is visiting a doctor, who can help to improve self-love. I reckon by making appointments the person would become braver, more confident. Then they will think that they are important and valued. In my opinion, the therapy helps to learning the importance of communication and listening skills.
The third one is doing physical exercises. When someone is under a lot of stress, it helps to deal with anxiety, get rid of negative energy. It makes you feel better. Otherwise, abused people should find hobby that brings joy and confidence.
When people are bullied and abused, they lose their voice. They lose the sense that they have the right to say no, they have the right to change their mind. A bully is used to a certain way of responding and when someone changes that perhaps it will change the dynamics.
Things to consider:
ОтветитьУдалитьThesis st-t: too general
There are two types of people:bullies and leaders: Whose opinion is it? You need to add it, otherwise it is not clear but it should be
Gr: a person has **more strong character, **offend (WF) ART weaker person
practically every fifth PERSON suffer (WF)
should find ART hobby
teachers should explain PREP students
say to those children(,) that kids should just ignore it: no comma before THAT in English
First of all I think a victim of harassment should tell to her close people: TELL WHAT? Specify
Parents believe THAT ART “leaders” MUST/SHOULD? **stop to bully (Gr) but it doesn’t just go away
Check the difference b/w STOP TO DO smth vs STOP Doing
TOPIC Sentence: The third one is doing physical exercises - consder revising because TS cannot simply state some fact
Content: 4 (Conclusion: can make it more memorable by using one of the techniques for conclusions. Have a look at the resource which lists some special techniques to finish your essay http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/conclude.html
Organisation: 4 (thesis statement not specific enough)
Mechanics: 4
Language: 4
Referencing:-- You should have provided the information about the resources you have used. Check my blog post about it